I really struggled with the holidays the first year after our divorce.  Truth be told, I still do!  There were so many traditions we’d crafted together as a family.  So, I set out to create some new ones, for our new life together.  And that is when I started this jar, the Gratitude Jar.  I journal my gratitude every day.  So, this jar isn’t for the gratitude I feel day to day.  It’s for those bigger occasions, accomplishments, or milestones!  It’s for occasions like, for me, creating this website.  That goes into the jar!  And the best part, my favorite part…I empty the contents of the jar the following NYE to reminisce about all the beautiful things that happened, all that we’ve accomplished, the milestones achieved throughout the year.  I can’t think of a better way to ring in the new year than to celebrate a year full of amazing beauty, growth, and achievement!  Cheers!

 
     I saw Collateral Beauty last night.  It was one of those movies that really affected me, touched my heart and soul.  It was thought provoking, my favorite kind of movie.  Collateral means accompanying.  So, collateral beauty is literally accompanying beauty.  It is that beauty that comes from struggle, from pain, from suffering.  It is like the pearl that is formed in the oyster or clam in response to irritation or injury. 
     With struggle comes change.  You evolve and you grow.  The beauty is in the becoming.  Collateral beauty, to me, is coming out the other side on your own two feet, better, stronger than before.  Collateral beauty, to me, is all the good that comes from the struggle!  In my life, collateral beauty is the relationship I have with my daughter, the strong bond that we formed from facing her illness together.  Collateral beauty is the love I found for myself after my divorce.  There is beauty in everything.  You just have to look for it! Train your brain to find the good in every situation!

                “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life,” a favorite quote of mine by J.K.Rowling.  Rock bottom.  Have you been there?  I have! And, believe it or not, in one of the most beautiful places in the world.  Leave it to me, a Gemini, Queen of Paradox to be at my all-time low in the middle of one of the most beautiful places on earth.  And yet, how perfect!  Allow me to digress…
                We were one of those home buyers who decided to buy a home in 2006, when houses were at an unaffordable, all time high.  We sunk our life savings into our “dream home.”  But by 2010, we were financially drained.  Our home was worth half of what we owed on it (never mind all the money we’d sunk into if for improvements).  So, in 2011 we made the heartbreaking decision to short sale it.  I felt like my world was crashing down around me, falling apart.  I was, after all, losing everyTHING I’d ever worked so hard for.  And, I was quitting, something I’d never done.  I felt like a failure.  We had failed our children, our family!
                Then, our daughter got sick, really sick, and suddenly the house was a side note.  Losing the house became a trivial concern.  And the hits just kept coming.  Our son fell ill, a serious illness as well.  We settled into our rental home and the new norm became doctor’s appointments.  Medical bills were crushing us.  My husband’s modus operandi was to avoid.  So, avoid he did.  Our home became his hostel.  He’d come home only to sleep and shower.
                I was teetering on the edge.  One soft blow and I would fall into the abyss.  So, when one of our precious pets passed, off the edge I went, hurled into the deep, dark hole to rock bottom.  I was in Kauai when I received the news about Ringo, our beloved cat.  I was in Kauai when I hit rock bottom and I was in Kauai when I decided I was done being the victim.  I would not curl up with my demons and have a pity party.  No!  I was done being pelted by lemons and I was going to make the world’s best and largest lemonade!  I was going to take control of my own life!  I was going to be HAPPY!  So, I began to read.  I read and I researched and I experimented!  I became a walking, talking, laughing, life enjoying happiness experiment.
                The kids and I moved out to start a new life in the summer of 2014.  I was single after being with my husband for 30 years (married for 24 years).  I’m not going to tell you it was easy.  There have been lots of tears.  But for every tear there has been twice as much joy.
                In my tireless quest for happiness, I found that it’s not something we happen upon by accident or luck!  We can’t sit back and wait for it to happen to us.  It’s an active choice.  We have to decide to be happy and we have to take steps towards achieving it EVERY SINGLE DAY. 
             Here are the steps I took in making happiness my reality.  They’re tried and true.  They worked for me and some, if not all, will work for you.

• Start a gratitude journal.  Train your brain to find the good in every day.  Make a list of the things you’re grateful for, simple things that happen throughout your day.  You got an A on that big test.  You got in an hour of yoga.  You were lucky enough to get in some extra cuddle time with your son/daughter.  You took a long walk in the park.  You observed a stunning sunset.
• Write out your thoughts in a Journal.  Journal when you wake up, before you go to bed, or throughout the day.  Get your thoughts on paper, process them. 
• Read!  Some of the great books I read on my happiness quest: “Daring Greatly,” and “The Gifts of Imperfection,” by Brené Brown, “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin, “10% Happier” by Dan Harris, “Love Warrior” by Glennon Doyle Melton, “Hardcore Zen” by Brad Warner, “The Urban Monk” by Pedram Shojai, and “The Untethered Soul” by Michael A. Singer.
• Exercise regularly.  All the stress and worry of your day gets stored up in your body.  Exercise it out!  Release the tension and stress of the day.
• Get plenty of sleep. The average person needs about 8 hours of sleep each night to function well or for those around you to actually enjoy your company!
• Eat Well.  Try it.  The better you eat, the better you feel!
• Get out in nature.  Take in the beauty that surrounds you!
• Try new things.  Go to a new restaurant, find a new place to hike, get crafty, or learn a new skill.
• Make time for yourself.  Enjoy sipping your favorite tea, read, take a walk, get outside, or work on a puzzle.  Take some time for yourself to just slow down and breathe!
• Spend time with the people you love, friends and family!
• Let Go!  Trust the Universe to provide for you what you need.  Have faith!
• Be authentic.  Just be yourself.  Don’t try to be anything for anyone.  You are truly perfect just the way you are and to try to be anything different is, well, it’s exhausting!
• Get out there and have fun.  Make a list of the things you enjoy and start doing them!  When you do get out there and start having fun, your list will continue to grow!
• Be present in this moment.  Let go of the past and stop trying to control the future.  Be in the now!
• Stop comparing.  Let go of how you think things are supposed to be.  Your life will not and should not look like anyone else’s.  It is yours, unique and perfect for you!

              I am happy and, for the first time in my entire life, I like the person I’ve become.  I still have to work at happiness every single day and I've accepted the idea that I always will.  When I feel that I’m beginning to sink back into my hole, I stop to reflect.  What have I let slide?  Am I practicing daily gratitude? Have I missed a few yoga classes?  Am I getting enough sleep?  Am I dwelling in my past? Am I comparing my life to others?  And there’s always some area where I’m slipping.  So, I get back on track and I push through.  Because life is for living.  Life is what you make of it.  And I intend to enjoy every last minute of the rest of my life! 
             Is this your year for happiness?  All you have to do is decide.  It’s the perfect time to make a commitment to your own happiness!  You’re worth it!  You are the potter and your life is your clay.  Create something fabulous!  Make this the best year yet!

We all have a story to tell, our story, events that made us who we are!  For me, getting my story down on paper through journaling has been my catharsis, one of my saving graces on my quest for happiness.  Writing my story has had healing powers.  It has allowed me to release my inner most thoughts to process and purge.  Sharing them with others is my next step. It is my hope that in sharing I can inspire someone to begin their own healing process.  If in sharing my story I reach just one person who connects with my story, who needs to hear it, who feels less alone or afraid because I shared…then I’ve done what I set out to do!